(out of four)
By David N. Butterworth
How hard could it be to sit and watch two beautiful people making out in the
Bahamas for near on two beautiful hours? Well, in Brett (The Family Man)
Ratner’s latest film After the Sunset the experience is darn near
excruciating.
We’re served up plenty of helpings of Pierce Brosnan’s hairy chest and
lashings of Salma Hayek’s not-quite-so-hirsute chest amid the sun-spangled
Nassau locations that serve double duty as a free promotional campaign for the
coral-colored Atlantis Paradise Island Hotel and Resort, but beautiful people in
beautiful places do not a movie make.
Ratner clearly prefers his breast meat but After the Sunset teases
more than it pleases.
Brosnan plays Max Burdett, a slick and adventurous jewel thief who’s spent
his entire life stealing exotic diamonds with his partner Lola (Hayek). The film’s
script (by Paul Zbyszewski) recycles the classic caper of a career criminal
calling it quits after one last big score and then being tempted out of
retirement by an even bigger one. The diamond in question here is one of three
so-called Napoleon diamonds currently on exhibit on a cruise ship that’s
docked, conveniently, at the same exotic locale where Max and Lola find
themselves enjoying a hedonistic post-larceny lifestyle accented by lobster
dinners.
FBI agent Stan Lloyd (Woody Harrelson at his most irritating), who’s been
pursuing Max for the last seven years, is not one to overlook the coincidence
and what follows is a cat-and-mouse game in which Max insists he’s retired
(even to a local gangster–embarrassingly played by Don Cheadle–who wants Max
to go into partnership with him) and Stan hovers, poised to nail his longtime
suspect.
Since the film’s singular preoccupation is following Brosnan and Hayek
around in their various stages of undress it would make sense that everything
else would be underdeveloped. As you might expect from the guy who also brought
us Rush Hour and Rush Hour 2 there’s not an ounce of mystery,
intrigue, or cleverness going on here, just some truly bizarre set pieces that
pop up rather randomly. Take the one on a fishing boat with a shark and a
compromising situation involving sunscreen or the one in Stan’s lavish
Atlantis Bridge suite involving compromising sleeping positions.
Halfway through this unnecessary heist/skin flick the writer of TV’s Weakest
Link decides to try his hand at comedy!
With Brosnan front and center and thievery the name of the game one can’t
help but be reminded of The Thomas Crown Affair, that steamy and,
frankly, impeccable remake from 1999 starring Brosnan, Rene Russo, and Denis
Leary as the frustrated cop in pursuit. After the Sunset cannot touch
that film with a ten-foot pole even though it clearly emulates it. Ratner’s
attempt is mostly idiotic and uninvolving, marred by uneven performances from
its supporting players (Brosnan and Hayek are fine if a tad disengaged), a
lackluster Lalo Schifrin score, and ridiculous shifts in tone–comic, violent,
sexy, stupid.
As a jet-setting, island-hopping photomontage of Mr. Brosnan’s strapping
physique and Ms. Hayak’s ample assets the film will no doubt prove to be a
breadwinner. But if you’re looking for something a lot more classy and
sophisticated wait until the sun goes down and experience an ’Affair to
remember on DVD instead.
